Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years ❴Read❵ ➵ Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years Author Patty Cogen – Capitalsoftworks.co.uk A guide for adoptive parents from preparations for a child s arrival through the teen years A Internationally Adopted Child: From PDF \ guide for adoptive Internationally Adopted PDF ´ parents from preparations for a child s arrival through the teen years.


About the Author: Patty Cogen

Is Internationally Adopted Child: From PDF \ a well known Internationally Adopted PDF ´ author, some of his books are a fascination for readers like in the Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your Parenting Your Epub / First Hours Together Through the Teen Years book, this is one of the most wanted Patty Cogen author readers around the world.



10 thoughts on “Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years

  1. Ebookwormy1 Ebookwormy1 says:

    Parenting the Internationally Adopted Child From your First Hours Together Through the Teen Yearsby Patty Cogen, copyright 2008Books on how to parent adopted children often have the same weaknesses as general parenting books They are personal works that detail an individual, or parenting team, or counseling team, approach to the hard labor of raising children As such, they are limited by the the personality and experience of the practitioners Additionally, works by therapists particularly se Parenting the Internationally Adopted Child From your First Hours Together Through the Teen Yearsby Patty Cogen, copyright 2008Books on how to parent adopted children often have the same weaknesses as general parenting books They are personal works that detail an individual, or parenting team, or counseling team, approach to the hard labor of raising children As such, they are limited by the the personality and experience of the practitioners Additionally, works by therapists particularly seem to suffer from a expert condescension that is difficult to transcend.Taking this caution in mind, Patty Cogen s book is a solid addition to the material available on adoption parenting Her approach is narrative in nature and a strength is the outline and encouragement for parents to engage their children in telling their adoption story throughout their growing up years She recommends parents address the trauma of adoption by continually guiding the child to integrate their experience into their own identity This is a style that is comfortable to me personally, and fits well within our pedagogical framework Practical tips such as The Three Photo Story pg 75 and The Four Questions pg 77, and returned to at each developmental stage are helpful in revealing a path upon which parents can walk repeatedly with their child as the child s thinking develops on the road to adulthood Her terms Parent Juice and Magic Circle, while somewhat juvenile for parents and older children, are well explained so they can be incorporated, even if you don t use her nomenclature I also liked the attachment games she outlined such as Parent on a Leash pg 100 , Mirror Faces Bodies, Pop Cheeks pg 106 , Funny Sounds Funny Faces pg 106 , The Bean Bag Game pg 112 , Facial Exploring pg 114 , and using the If you are Happy and You Know It Song for exploring emotions pg 117 There were many other ideas, but some were rather obvious Ring around the Rosey, Duck Duck Goose, Peekaboo, etc or just didn t appeal to me personally such as the Goodbye Song I liked the based in research feel of the opening section, but some of her assertions seemed a little too convenient how would you test that and she did not uniformly provide references While some researchers and their protocol or technique are mentioned specifically, nonetheless there are many assertions, where the reader is prevented from further research through lack of citations and must trust her interpretation of the data Like most therapists working with children, she advocates juice boxes and eye contact and teaching through play and play through teaching, though I just could not get the hang of the Suck Swallow Breathe routine that she seems to find essential I particularly liked her idea of family age as both a way of understanding the length of time during which your child has been exposed to your parenting and family culture, and a way of contrasting an adoptive child with a biological sibling Two huge weaknesses of the book were distracting to me throughout the reading Cogen has chosen the ubiquitous composite of many individuals approach by creating 5 children and their family settings I suppose this would be expected given her narrative bent While she does a fairly good job maintaining the individual nature of each profile, the reader cannot escape the omniscient narration of the therapist herself When the families do something good , we know this is simply the therapist using a schemata to promote her ideas, and when the families do something wrong or get stuck and consult her, the therapist is once again aggrandized All of the families find her help essential to their triumphant parenting, and the stories wrap up so very neatly a fact she even takes pains to confess in the later chapters on teens This is a LONG book, at 416 pages, so I suppose SOMETHING was needed, but these superfluous stories also add to the length If they were designed to sweeten the medicine, it didn t work for me I still found the book LONG and I found the scenarios rather annoying In addition, I imagine that if I consult the book for future reference, the yada yada will be a stumbling block to locating the information desired Also, it should be noted that a limitation of Cogen s scope as a therapist is a focus exclusively on her client Therefore, she doesn t engage sibling relationships either bio or adopted or birth order, and her adults are inexperienced parents though she does make some weak attempts to present one or two asadept.The second weakness of the book is a complete lack of examination of the WEAKNESSES of the narrative approach Throughout the book, I kept thinking about False Memory Syndrome Therapy Cogen advocates telling children their story and not making up details, but ASSUMING details based on their behavior This theme emerges in Chapter 7, Providing a Framework for Fragmented Memories and continues throughout the book While she does say, We constantly hear our children s ideas and feelings, and we need to attend to and trust their responses to our suggestions A blank look means you are off track A smile or nod means you have hit he nail on the head pg 75 While this outline is consistent for ALL communication with children, warning lights flash in my head regarding the way this is applied to the backstory of adopted children For example, when meeting your child for the first time, or during the subsequent hours and days, you can comment, It s easier to sleep or keep busy than to look at a strange, new face I bet when you have that stunned look on your face, you are wondering where all your familiar caregivers and other children went page 75 My first concern is that it seems easy to jump to projecting false stories, emotions, and integration on a child so that the adult can feelcomfortable that they are providing guidance For example, if a parents suggests a child was traumatized in a certain way in an orphanage and the child responds, I m not sure it is part of that child s life narrative Are they reacting to the horror that happened to them Or the horror that it could have happened to them Or the horror that this does happen to children somewhere in the world Also, children have a narrow perspective A child might interpret regularly missed meals as abuse, when the reality may be the orphanage had frequent problems with financial support or food supply due to war, famine or politics and the child was simply unaware of these obstacles, but nonetheless applied the emotional response to himself I did something bad on the days we didn t have food I think children need to integrate their experience at their own pace There is an amount of mystery to that process that we will not be able to overcome Cogen never examines this tricky balance, and that makes me concerned she is unaware it is there Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may simply avoid these dangers of the narrative approach because it comes naturally to her, but this is a severe deficit in teaching others these methods.Another concern I have about pitfalls of the narrative approach was highlighted by Cogen s endorsement of Sherry Eldridge s book Twenty Thing Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew You can read my review of this book elsewhere on Goodreads but suffice it to say, I do not view it highly I think Eldridge s cultivation of adoption victim hood is a frightening example of where this guided narrative can lead to bad outcomes There are all sorts of biological kids that struggle with identity, addiction, and outright rebellion Parents need to get at the heart of these matters and it is all to convenient for both parents and therapists to blame adoption trauma This thread continues throughout the book as Cogen explains behavior after behavior that we already encountered with our biological child and that I have discussed with other parents of biological children There are also numerous stories of people who overcame difficult starts, and either used these challenges for motivation to triumphant achievement or prevented these challenges from defining their identity Cogen s empathy can go too far as well as her advocacy to avoid high expectations of adopted kids I m not saying we should weigh our kids down with unrealistic expectations, but embracing victim hood is also too far on the other side of the bell curve We want to raise victorious children, who are challenged to connect to others in healthy ways, and to embrace a life of purpose and value that goes beyond where they started.In conclusion, while I prefer the narrative approach and found valuable ideas in Cogen s work, a discussion of the pitfalls of the style, and how to avoid them, would give clarity and credibility to Cogen s ideas of how to guide an adopted child to success as an adult.Foron adoption, I recommend The Connected Child, Purvis, 2007https www.goodreads.com review showParenting the Hurt Child, Keck Kupecky, 2002https www.goodreads.com review show


  2. April April says:

    This was an informative book that I plan to reference for years to come Of course we all want our children to be healthy, happy, and worry free Adoptive parents know that their children face many difficult issues I must admit this book was emotionally draining because it brought up challenge upon challenge Quite frankly it was heartbreaking Hopefully by applying Cogen s techniques, I will be a better adoptive parent and help my children overcome their fears and insecurities.


  3. stoneroses16 stoneroses16 says:

    Excellent, empathetic and thoroughly insightful resource Cogen understands the adoptee s psyche, and know how to link every challenging behaviour to its source i.e fear of abandonment and an internalised sense of inadequacy Thoroughly engaging and practical, Cogen consistently refers to the experiences of five international adoptees she worked with from their toddler aged adoption, t through to adulthood Using their personal experiences, she itemises common problems adoptees face, and provid Excellent, empathetic and thoroughly insightful resource Cogen understands the adoptee s psyche, and know how to link every challenging behaviour to its source i.e fear of abandonment and an internalised sense of inadequacy Thoroughly engaging and practical, Cogen consistently refers to the experiences of five international adoptees she worked with from their toddler aged adoption, t through to adulthood Using their personal experiences, she itemises common problems adoptees face, and provides compassionate and practical means of support Common problems were slotted under neat, accessible, user friendly headings I enjoyed the many snippets of conversations between parent and child, as they provided insightful and pointed examples of how one might conduct conversations with their adopted kids There was no beating around the bush, vagueness or pretensions Just excellent practical advice, and their outcomes, illustrated from real live experiences of adoptees and their families Cogen consistently tackles each problem at their emotional root, always identifying the psychological insecurities underlying challenging behaviour My only criticism, is that Cogen veered into over leniency in situations of verbal abuse from pre teens and teens In such situations, advice on less permissive forms of discipline, would have been informative


  4. Sarah Hyatt Sarah Hyatt says:

    Worthwhile reading for anyone who has adopted, internationally or not I skimmed some of the international specific parts but the book overall is extremely insightful for anyone parenting a child with trauma i.e., anyone parenting an adopted child, regardless of national origin.


  5. Tricia Tricia says:

    Wonderful resource book through the years of raising adopted children I highly recommend this book for adoptive parents.


  6. Amy Amy says:

    Will continue to reference this wonderful resource as my son grows up


  7. Diana Meredith Diana Meredith says:

    Should be required reading for every parent adopting internationally Excellent book I learned so much and will definitely come back to it to reread sections that were especially helpful.


  8. A Cheylene A Cheylene says:

    I loved it It seemed based on the author s experience and hard research The author has hosted first year home groups for new international adopting families for years She had so many practical tips and exercises to encourage bonding between parent and child, as well as many stories to help understand the reasons behind certain patterns of behavior in adoptees She had the positive idea of their behavior being related to their survival techniques that worked pre adoption but no longer help the I loved it It seemed based on the author s experience and hard research The author has hosted first year home groups for new international adopting families for years She had so many practical tips and exercises to encourage bonding between parent and child, as well as many stories to help understand the reasons behind certain patterns of behavior in adoptees She had the positive idea of their behavior being related to their survival techniques that worked pre adoption but no longer help them post adoption I also loved her idea of continually discussing the adoption story from the adoptee perspective and to do away with Gotcha Day, replacing it with the three pictures on a laminated page for the young child one pre adoption, one of the adoption, and then one post adoption,and to refer to it as the Big Change So much of their behavior is connected to that day of the Big Change I loved how she gave different personality types of children and how they react to adoption through their life from adoption to early adulthood I loved the idea of considering family age how long the child was in the family versus chronological or developmental age So helpful I did wish they hadabout siblings There was nothing about siblings, which I know play a big role in most families


  9. Diem Diem says:

    From the absurd to the sublime You get a little of everything You can cherry pick this tome for information and decide which advice is useful for your unique situation I won t be refilling anyone s glass with Parent Juice or putting on trauma goggles or playing Parent on a Leash but I will remember to talk with my child about the adoption story from my child s point of view rather than mine As in, yes, a long anticipated day for me but a terribly confusing and frightening one for her I migh From the absurd to the sublime You get a little of everything You can cherry pick this tome for information and decide which advice is useful for your unique situation I won t be refilling anyone s glass with Parent Juice or putting on trauma goggles or playing Parent on a Leash but I will remember to talk with my child about the adoption story from my child s point of view rather than mine As in, yes, a long anticipated day for me but a terribly confusing and frightening one for her I might not have had that perspective without this book.I might not have considered that birthdays and Mother s Father s Days could be complex and that there might be ways to alleviate the confusion prior to the day in order for the child to fully participate and enjoy those events So, for all of my kvetching about the silliness of much of the book I m not even going to get started on the concept of white privilege it was well worth reading In the interest of full disclosure I ll note that I did not read the entire book I read up to the teen years and that was about all I could handle For my purposes at this time it has been read


  10. Tom Elliott Tom Elliott says:

    This will be a good reference through the years, particularly when it comes to emotional and identity development in teen years Offers some concrete strategies for dealing with the issues that arise from the origin stories of international adoptees and how they deal with unpleasant realities as they grow old enough to begin to really understand Also identifies some physical, emotional and cognitive developmental issues that come from extended institutional living The device of following five This will be a good reference through the years, particularly when it comes to emotional and identity development in teen years Offers some concrete strategies for dealing with the issues that arise from the origin stories of international adoptees and how they deal with unpleasant realities as they grow old enough to begin to really understand Also identifies some physical, emotional and cognitive developmental issues that come from extended institutional living The device of following five families conflated from a larger number of real situations to illustrate how some of the issues can play out behaviorally is very effective and valuable


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10 thoughts on “Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years

  1. Ebookwormy1 Ebookwormy1 says:

    Parenting the Internationally Adopted Child From your First Hours Together Through the Teen Yearsby Patty Cogen, copyright 2008Books on how to parent adopted children often have the same weaknesses as general parenting books They are personal works that detail an individual, or parenting team, or counseling team, approach to the hard labor of raising children As such, they are limited by the the personality and experience of the practitioners Additionally, works by therapists particularly se Parenting the Internationally Adopted Child From your First Hours Together Through the Teen Yearsby Patty Cogen, copyright 2008Books on how to parent adopted children often have the same weaknesses as general parenting books They are personal works that detail an individual, or parenting team, or counseling team, approach to the hard labor of raising children As such, they are limited by the the personality and experience of the practitioners Additionally, works by therapists particularly seem to suffer from a expert condescension that is difficult to transcend.Taking this caution in mind, Patty Cogen s book is a solid addition to the material available on adoption parenting Her approach is narrative in nature and a strength is the outline and encouragement for parents to engage their children in telling their adoption story throughout their growing up years She recommends parents address the trauma of adoption by continually guiding the child to integrate their experience into their own identity This is a style that is comfortable to me personally, and fits well within our pedagogical framework Practical tips such as The Three Photo Story pg 75 and The Four Questions pg 77, and returned to at each developmental stage are helpful in revealing a path upon which parents can walk repeatedly with their child as the child s thinking develops on the road to adulthood Her terms Parent Juice and Magic Circle, while somewhat juvenile for parents and older children, are well explained so they can be incorporated, even if you don t use her nomenclature I also liked the attachment games she outlined such as Parent on a Leash pg 100 , Mirror Faces Bodies, Pop Cheeks pg 106 , Funny Sounds Funny Faces pg 106 , The Bean Bag Game pg 112 , Facial Exploring pg 114 , and using the If you are Happy and You Know It Song for exploring emotions pg 117 There were many other ideas, but some were rather obvious Ring around the Rosey, Duck Duck Goose, Peekaboo, etc or just didn t appeal to me personally such as the Goodbye Song I liked the based in research feel of the opening section, but some of her assertions seemed a little too convenient how would you test that and she did not uniformly provide references While some researchers and their protocol or technique are mentioned specifically, nonetheless there are many assertions, where the reader is prevented from further research through lack of citations and must trust her interpretation of the data Like most therapists working with children, she advocates juice boxes and eye contact and teaching through play and play through teaching, though I just could not get the hang of the Suck Swallow Breathe routine that she seems to find essential I particularly liked her idea of family age as both a way of understanding the length of time during which your child has been exposed to your parenting and family culture, and a way of contrasting an adoptive child with a biological sibling Two huge weaknesses of the book were distracting to me throughout the reading Cogen has chosen the ubiquitous composite of many individuals approach by creating 5 children and their family settings I suppose this would be expected given her narrative bent While she does a fairly good job maintaining the individual nature of each profile, the reader cannot escape the omniscient narration of the therapist herself When the families do something good , we know this is simply the therapist using a schemata to promote her ideas, and when the families do something wrong or get stuck and consult her, the therapist is once again aggrandized All of the families find her help essential to their triumphant parenting, and the stories wrap up so very neatly a fact she even takes pains to confess in the later chapters on teens This is a LONG book, at 416 pages, so I suppose SOMETHING was needed, but these superfluous stories also add to the length If they were designed to sweeten the medicine, it didn t work for me I still found the book LONG and I found the scenarios rather annoying In addition, I imagine that if I consult the book for future reference, the yada yada will be a stumbling block to locating the information desired Also, it should be noted that a limitation of Cogen s scope as a therapist is a focus exclusively on her client Therefore, she doesn t engage sibling relationships either bio or adopted or birth order, and her adults are inexperienced parents though she does make some weak attempts to present one or two asadept.The second weakness of the book is a complete lack of examination of the WEAKNESSES of the narrative approach Throughout the book, I kept thinking about False Memory Syndrome Therapy Cogen advocates telling children their story and not making up details, but ASSUMING details based on their behavior This theme emerges in Chapter 7, Providing a Framework for Fragmented Memories and continues throughout the book While she does say, We constantly hear our children s ideas and feelings, and we need to attend to and trust their responses to our suggestions A blank look means you are off track A smile or nod means you have hit he nail on the head pg 75 While this outline is consistent for ALL communication with children, warning lights flash in my head regarding the way this is applied to the backstory of adopted children For example, when meeting your child for the first time, or during the subsequent hours and days, you can comment, It s easier to sleep or keep busy than to look at a strange, new face I bet when you have that stunned look on your face, you are wondering where all your familiar caregivers and other children went page 75 My first concern is that it seems easy to jump to projecting false stories, emotions, and integration on a child so that the adult can feelcomfortable that they are providing guidance For example, if a parents suggests a child was traumatized in a certain way in an orphanage and the child responds, I m not sure it is part of that child s life narrative Are they reacting to the horror that happened to them Or the horror that it could have happened to them Or the horror that this does happen to children somewhere in the world Also, children have a narrow perspective A child might interpret regularly missed meals as abuse, when the reality may be the orphanage had frequent problems with financial support or food supply due to war, famine or politics and the child was simply unaware of these obstacles, but nonetheless applied the emotional response to himself I did something bad on the days we didn t have food I think children need to integrate their experience at their own pace There is an amount of mystery to that process that we will not be able to overcome Cogen never examines this tricky balance, and that makes me concerned she is unaware it is there Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may simply avoid these dangers of the narrative approach because it comes naturally to her, but this is a severe deficit in teaching others these methods.Another concern I have about pitfalls of the narrative approach was highlighted by Cogen s endorsement of Sherry Eldridge s book Twenty Thing Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew You can read my review of this book elsewhere on Goodreads but suffice it to say, I do not view it highly I think Eldridge s cultivation of adoption victim hood is a frightening example of where this guided narrative can lead to bad outcomes There are all sorts of biological kids that struggle with identity, addiction, and outright rebellion Parents need to get at the heart of these matters and it is all to convenient for both parents and therapists to blame adoption trauma This thread continues throughout the book as Cogen explains behavior after behavior that we already encountered with our biological child and that I have discussed with other parents of biological children There are also numerous stories of people who overcame difficult starts, and either used these challenges for motivation to triumphant achievement or prevented these challenges from defining their identity Cogen s empathy can go too far as well as her advocacy to avoid high expectations of adopted kids I m not saying we should weigh our kids down with unrealistic expectations, but embracing victim hood is also too far on the other side of the bell curve We want to raise victorious children, who are challenged to connect to others in healthy ways, and to embrace a life of purpose and value that goes beyond where they started.In conclusion, while I prefer the narrative approach and found valuable ideas in Cogen s work, a discussion of the pitfalls of the style, and how to avoid them, would give clarity and credibility to Cogen s ideas of how to guide an adopted child to success as an adult.Foron adoption, I recommend The Connected Child, Purvis, 2007https www.goodreads.com review showParenting the Hurt Child, Keck Kupecky, 2002https www.goodreads.com review show

  2. April April says:

    This was an informative book that I plan to reference for years to come Of course we all want our children to be healthy, happy, and worry free Adoptive parents know that their children face many difficult issues I must admit this book was emotionally draining because it brought up challenge upon challenge Quite frankly it was heartbreaking Hopefully by applying Cogen s techniques, I will be a better adoptive parent and help my children overcome their fears and insecurities.

  3. stoneroses16 stoneroses16 says:

    Excellent, empathetic and thoroughly insightful resource Cogen understands the adoptee s psyche, and know how to link every challenging behaviour to its source i.e fear of abandonment and an internalised sense of inadequacy Thoroughly engaging and practical, Cogen consistently refers to the experiences of five international adoptees she worked with from their toddler aged adoption, t through to adulthood Using their personal experiences, she itemises common problems adoptees face, and provid Excellent, empathetic and thoroughly insightful resource Cogen understands the adoptee s psyche, and know how to link every challenging behaviour to its source i.e fear of abandonment and an internalised sense of inadequacy Thoroughly engaging and practical, Cogen consistently refers to the experiences of five international adoptees she worked with from their toddler aged adoption, t through to adulthood Using their personal experiences, she itemises common problems adoptees face, and provides compassionate and practical means of support Common problems were slotted under neat, accessible, user friendly headings I enjoyed the many snippets of conversations between parent and child, as they provided insightful and pointed examples of how one might conduct conversations with their adopted kids There was no beating around the bush, vagueness or pretensions Just excellent practical advice, and their outcomes, illustrated from real live experiences of adoptees and their families Cogen consistently tackles each problem at their emotional root, always identifying the psychological insecurities underlying challenging behaviour My only criticism, is that Cogen veered into over leniency in situations of verbal abuse from pre teens and teens In such situations, advice on less permissive forms of discipline, would have been informative

  4. Sarah Hyatt Sarah Hyatt says:

    Worthwhile reading for anyone who has adopted, internationally or not I skimmed some of the international specific parts but the book overall is extremely insightful for anyone parenting a child with trauma i.e., anyone parenting an adopted child, regardless of national origin.

  5. Tricia Tricia says:

    Wonderful resource book through the years of raising adopted children I highly recommend this book for adoptive parents.

  6. Amy Amy says:

    Will continue to reference this wonderful resource as my son grows up

  7. Diana Meredith Diana Meredith says:

    Should be required reading for every parent adopting internationally Excellent book I learned so much and will definitely come back to it to reread sections that were especially helpful.

  8. A Cheylene A Cheylene says:

    I loved it It seemed based on the author s experience and hard research The author has hosted first year home groups for new international adopting families for years She had so many practical tips and exercises to encourage bonding between parent and child, as well as many stories to help understand the reasons behind certain patterns of behavior in adoptees She had the positive idea of their behavior being related to their survival techniques that worked pre adoption but no longer help the I loved it It seemed based on the author s experience and hard research The author has hosted first year home groups for new international adopting families for years She had so many practical tips and exercises to encourage bonding between parent and child, as well as many stories to help understand the reasons behind certain patterns of behavior in adoptees She had the positive idea of their behavior being related to their survival techniques that worked pre adoption but no longer help them post adoption I also loved her idea of continually discussing the adoption story from the adoptee perspective and to do away with Gotcha Day, replacing it with the three pictures on a laminated page for the young child one pre adoption, one of the adoption, and then one post adoption,and to refer to it as the Big Change So much of their behavior is connected to that day of the Big Change I loved how she gave different personality types of children and how they react to adoption through their life from adoption to early adulthood I loved the idea of considering family age how long the child was in the family versus chronological or developmental age So helpful I did wish they hadabout siblings There was nothing about siblings, which I know play a big role in most families

  9. Diem Diem says:

    From the absurd to the sublime You get a little of everything You can cherry pick this tome for information and decide which advice is useful for your unique situation I won t be refilling anyone s glass with Parent Juice or putting on trauma goggles or playing Parent on a Leash but I will remember to talk with my child about the adoption story from my child s point of view rather than mine As in, yes, a long anticipated day for me but a terribly confusing and frightening one for her I migh From the absurd to the sublime You get a little of everything You can cherry pick this tome for information and decide which advice is useful for your unique situation I won t be refilling anyone s glass with Parent Juice or putting on trauma goggles or playing Parent on a Leash but I will remember to talk with my child about the adoption story from my child s point of view rather than mine As in, yes, a long anticipated day for me but a terribly confusing and frightening one for her I might not have had that perspective without this book.I might not have considered that birthdays and Mother s Father s Days could be complex and that there might be ways to alleviate the confusion prior to the day in order for the child to fully participate and enjoy those events So, for all of my kvetching about the silliness of much of the book I m not even going to get started on the concept of white privilege it was well worth reading In the interest of full disclosure I ll note that I did not read the entire book I read up to the teen years and that was about all I could handle For my purposes at this time it has been read

  10. Tom Elliott Tom Elliott says:

    This will be a good reference through the years, particularly when it comes to emotional and identity development in teen years Offers some concrete strategies for dealing with the issues that arise from the origin stories of international adoptees and how they deal with unpleasant realities as they grow old enough to begin to really understand Also identifies some physical, emotional and cognitive developmental issues that come from extended institutional living The device of following five This will be a good reference through the years, particularly when it comes to emotional and identity development in teen years Offers some concrete strategies for dealing with the issues that arise from the origin stories of international adoptees and how they deal with unpleasant realities as they grow old enough to begin to really understand Also identifies some physical, emotional and cognitive developmental issues that come from extended institutional living The device of following five families conflated from a larger number of real situations to illustrate how some of the issues can play out behaviorally is very effective and valuable

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