Beauty ueens PDF Þ Hardcover

Beauty ueens PDF Þ Hardcover

Beauty ueens [Read] ➱ Beauty ueens By Libba Bray – Capitalsoftworks.co.uk The 50 contestants in the Miss Teen Dream pageant thought this was going to be a fun trip to the beach where they could parade in their state appropriate costumes and compete in front of the camerasBu The contestants in the Miss Teen Dream pageant thought this was going to be a fun trip to the beach where they could parade in their state appropriate costumes and compete in front of the camerasBut sadly their airplane had another idea crashing on a desert island and leaving the survivors stranded with little food little water and practically no eyeliner What’s a beauty ueen to do Continue to practice for the talent portion of the program or wrestle snakes to the ground Get a perfect tan or learn to run wild And what should happen when the sexy pirates show upWelcome to the heart of non exfoliated darkness.


10 thoughts on “Beauty ueens

  1. Penny Penny says:

    Preheat oven to 375 degrees In a large bowl mix the plots from Drop Dead Gorgeous Austin Powers Mean Girls Lost and Lord of the Flies Whip until nice and fluffy Stir in eual parts Bollywood Boy Bands Pirates An Evil Corporation Crappy Parenting Reality TV Miss Teen USA pageants and commercials aimed at teens Next add 4 cups Teenage Sexuality all types 2 cups Feminism 12 cup Identity Issues 12 cup Self Esteem Issues 16 Teenage Beauty ueens all types Just make sure one is much intelligent then the others a handful of henchmen a handful of open minded hot guys with British accents one hot eco terrorist one crazy go nuts dictator copious amounts of satire and 1 20 oz bag of Sarah Palin Stir until well blended Batter will be slightly lumpy Pour into cupcake pans cuz cupcakes are all the rage yo Bake for 35 minutes Let coolFrosting Mix eual parts Sunshine Love World Peace Sparkle Ponies Seuined Dresses Cute Shoes Makeup GRRRRRRRRRL POWER a handful of sand one Lesbian makeout session and one Sex Tape Whip until creamy Frost cupcakes then sprinkle with way too many unnecessary footnotes Top each cupcake with a maraschino cherry that has been laced with an organic hallucinogen Take those cupcakes and dumb them down Dumb them down again A little One timeSTOP Okay there you have it the recipe for Libba Bray's Beauty ueens in cupcake form Enjoy 25 stars Real review to be posted after the weekend I spent the weekend thinking about what I would say in this review how I would explain my beef with this book I want to make it clear I don't hate Beauty ueens nor do I like it It was okay overall I mean sure it did have it's moments Not that Beauty ueens caused me to laugh out loud because it didn't especially not after the novelty of the helpful footnotes and commercial parodies wore off They were fun for the first few chapters then they became an irritation Also I don't particularly care for Libba Bray's brand of satire At times it was so overdone it only inspired sighs of frustration eye rolling and thoughts of that would have been funny if or that could have been powerful if from me I felt as though I was watching one of those really bad read not funny movie parodies like Dance Flick or Epic Movie Yes at times Beauty ueens is that much of a punishment and then some But that's not the worst part My major problem has to do with the fact that Bray's story had a great foundation I mean just read this “I’ve been thinking about that book about the boys who crash on an island” Mary Lou said to Adina one afternoon as they rested on their elbows taking bites from the same papaya“Lord of the Flies What about it?”You know how you said it wasn’t a true measure of humanity because there were no girls and you wondered how it would be different if there had been girls?”“Yeah?”“Maybe girls need an island to find themselves Maybe they need a place where no one’s watching them so they can be who they really are”There was something about the island that made the girls forget who they had been All those rules and shalt nots They were no longer waiting for some arbitrary grade They were no longer performing Waiting HopingThey were becomingThey were Sure it's all a little contrived but still it's a great jumping off point Instead of doing anything worthwhile with it Bray took that idea and made it into a Very Special Episode of The Facts of Life except way condescending and a ba zillion times preachier it's not like the main message Bray is pummeling her audience with is new Girlfriend is preaching to the choir the entire time And at no point does this book challenge one to think Beauty ueens thinks for you because thinking is hard y'all You wanna sell me on something? Give me a chance to think for myself Show me both sides of the argument Present me with uestions that don't necessarily have an easy answer Let me draw my own conclusions Don't incessantly beat me upside my head with your answers your way of thinking See when that happens I tend to lose interest in what you have to say even if I happen to agree with you because you clearly think you're superior that I'm not intelligent enough to come to the right read your conclusion Do Not Like And don't even think of telling me that some teenage girls need a book to do their thinking for them that they need to be force fed the messages contained within Beauty ueens because their parents their peers the media has damaged them tricked them into thinking otherwise Even if that is the case with some teenage girls I fail to see how shoving a message down their collective throats be it negative or positive is the way to go about building up self esteem or fixing identity issues Moving onI don't fault Libba Bray for wanting to make this book funny because Beauty ueens would have bombed royally had it taken itself too seriously But like I said earlier she took the satire the tongue in cheekiness way too far Beauty ueens is obnoxious Beauty ueens is that know it all girl that you sort of want to punch in the face because she isn't as clever as she thinks she is; someone ought to bring her down a few notchesAnyway because of Bray's lack of control every character has been reduced to a cardboard cut out of a stereotype Beauty ueens has two really stupid blondes from the south a really slutty girl from the midwest a super sexually repressed girl from the upper midwest two minorities a crazy pageant head from Texas A stereotypical lesbian and a girl who is hearing impaired Even Ms New Hampshire whom might I add is this story's Marysue is feminist to a fault goes around feeling superior to the other girls on the island because she's enlightened and they're just a bunch of stupid fools There were a few others who had even less going for them Ms New Mexico for example had a tray table embedded in her skull That was her only defining uality throughout the entire book I kid you not headdeskThe only character that I found interesting that had any sort of depth was Ms Rhode Island view spoiler Ms Rhode Island was born a boy; transgendered hide spoiler


  2. Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies says:

    This book is the definition of satire and black humor If you're easily offended this book is not for you It's tongue in cheek it's darkly humorous and it's absolutely fa bu lous snaps finger It confronts the truth behind our daily livesit deals with issues of race sexism and stereotypes while managing to retain a light sarcastic tone The main characters in this book are all beauty pageant competitors but rest assured they are strong feminist types down to the take charge Miss Texas who is a hell of a lot tougher than her big breasts and blonde hair would imply Taylor stood in a perfect three uarters stance arms hanging easily at her sides “I have been class president three years in a row homecoming ueen a National Merit Scholar and a member of the National Honor Society and I am a proud card carrying member of FAF — Femmes and Firearms I can shoot a thirty aught six as well as a nine millimeter and a Pink Lady paint gun Last year I took down my first buck which I cleaned filleted and vacuum sealed and with my taxidermy skills I stuffed the head and used the antlers as a supercute jewelry tree which I plan to market for the Armchair Shopping Network in the spring That is American ingenuity It’s what makes this country great and if elected I would be proud to serve Thank you” Some brilliant genius decided to hold a pageant on a far off island and the 50 contestants of the Miss Teen Dream pageant along with the army needed to maintain them are being flown there The only problem is that the plane crashes onto a deserted island and pretty much everyone dies The surviving contestants will have to well survive on a delightful tropical island using their own wits ingenuity and pageant approved talents The contestants range from the confident and strong leader Perky Miss Texasto Adina who had a plan before it came crashing down along with the plane Adina had entered but for her own secret reasons She would smile and pose and when the time was right she would show everyone what a joke this was — what a joke her mom’s life was How stupid the girls in her high school were for believing in this beauty and happily ever after crap She would use the money from the publication of her exposé to buy that drum kit herself Maybe she’d even write a song about the whole experience “Artificial Girl” Or “Teen Dream Armageddon” Yeah Adina liked the sound of that She would be a beauty pageant Che Guevara7 The situations within the book are absolutely outrageous and ludicrous and the can do attitude that is pervasive throughout the book makes it seem insane but I loved every single moment Miss New Mexico stared dumbfounded “Stand out? Stand out I have a freaking tray stuck in my forehead” She broke into fresh sobsTaylor clapped for attention “Miss New Mexico let’s not get all down in the bummer basement where the creepy things live There are people in heathen China who don’t even have airline trays We have a lot to be grateful for” The girls not only have to survive but must maintain their pageant form by constantly practicing and being in top form for the competition once they're rescued “Ohmigosh No food at all” Tiara sank down on the sand as if the full weight of their predicament had finally hit her She blinked back tears And then that megawatt smile that belonged on cereal boxes across the nation reappeared “I am going to be so superskinny by pageant time” But cold harsh reality soon sets in They're probably fucked I’m so hungry Even hungrier than when my mom put me on that grapefruit and hot sauce diet before the Miss Tupelo pageant last year”“I’ve done that diet” Nicole saidShanti nodded “Me too Except without the grapefruit”Tiara’s eyes filled with tears “All those years of starving myself and now I’m really starving”“Feels like we’ve been in training for the wrong pageant” Nicole said with a sighTheir bellies ached with hunger and the earlier thrill of losing a few pounds before pageant time had been replaced with a terrible desperate longing for food I know that from the uotes the book seems very lighthearted and silly don't let that fool you because this book deals with a lot of serious issues albeit in a very offhanded manner The issue of race is a particularly noticeable one it's mentioned sometimes in a flippant manner For a second Nicole wasn’t sure that she should go with these white girls They sounded like they’d gone straight up crazy and the only other brown girl was giving her an eyeful of attitude Nicole did what she’d been taught since she was little and her parents had moved into an all white neighborhood She smiled and made herself seem as friendly and nonthreatening as possible But that little uote right there is the harsh reality of being black or minority in America African Americans have to blend in They have to appear cultured They have to be non threatening in order to be accepted This book also confronts the double standards of race “You don’t think the pageant’s a little racist? I mean in the whole history of the pageant an African American girl has only won once — Sherry Sparks”In the forty year history of the Miss Teen Dream Pageant she was the only African American winner — until it was revealed that Sherry had once shoplifted an eye shadow from an Easy Rx store and she was drummed out in shame It didn’t matter that in the years since then two white contestants had been disualified for sexy phone photos or that last year’s winner Miss Florida had been forced to apologize when it was discovered that she had gotten drunk at a frat party and a video surfaced of her sloppily twirling batons in her underwear and bra No it was still Sherry Sparks they talked about This was a hilarious darkly humorous witty and altogether fantastic book


  3. Emily May Emily May says:

    According to this book and the Teen Dream Beauty contestants women and particularly girls tend to apologise immediately before or after voicing their opinion For example I'm sorry but I just think or I really don't like such and such sorry but that's just my opinion So in true girl power spirit I'm going to openly honestly and without apology declare that I EFFIN' LOVED THIS BOOK In every single possible wayThis is what every teenage girl should be reading In fact scratch that it's what every teenager regardless of gender should be reading This is the novel that has compiled it all pretty much every single young adult issue has been condensed into this 380 give or take page book of awesomeness I won't go shouting about it being everybody's favourite book I'm sure that just isn't true and the mixed reviews so far have only proved my concerns about Libba Bray's humour not suiting everyone and the strange format in which the book is written also won't appeal to every single person But god if it isn't importantIt says everything that needs to be said It also says what people think and don't say because they're afraid of looking bad or being laughed at or being pitied It's not just a book about gender feminism slut shaming beauty myths depression family issues homosexuality transexuality race racism disabilities and feeling inadeuate It's about all of those things combined on a desert island where a bunch of Teen Beauty contestants struggle to survive without hair straighteners make up and lotionsI expected this to be another 'bitch' book What do I mean? I mean the stories where girls turn on each other and destroy one another through carefully manipulated psychological abuse I expected a combination of Lord of the Flies and 'Mean Girls' This is not that book This story is the one where girls who in other circumstances are little than each other's competition come together in a time of crisis and find that just by sticking together and opening up to one another they come to understand about themselves and how they are far important than the labels they wearThis is the message I've always wanted to see and I understand why some people don't think this is the reality I've read some reviews where it seems to be the opinion that girls in these circumstances would turn on each other in true high school bitchy fashion I disagree Yeah I'm going to say that and I'm not going to say sorry either lol I think that in fact I know from experience that people act differently when in a crisis Priorities change and you see whole new sides of people's personalities That is what happens here When the girls' world is turned upside down they do what they must to survive and through doing so realise a great deal of important stuff too What I love most is that while Libba Bray's message about beauty being of no real importance is obvious she also works to show the reader how that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with a girl wanting to look nice This is an expression of sexuality and the novel's all for that Can a girl who wears make up be a feminist? Of course ridiculous uestionThis is a book about survival femininity and kinda cheesy but I love it being yourself I thought it was wonderful and all the time managed to stay on the right side of that fine line between feminism and misandry If you learn nothing else from this book at least take away the fact that every opinion is just as important and you should never apologise for your own on that note I am completely shamelessly and unapologetically in love with this book


  4. karen karen says:

    BITCHES HEY BITCHES OVER HERE excuse me i mean young ladies put down that stephanie meyer book is that cosmo girl?? yeah lose that stop reading the cliue and get over here right nowdon't read anything else until you read this book you can even stop reading this review i don't care as long as you read this book well the book comes out tomorrow so you might as well finish reading this review after all when caris reviewed this book ages ago i knew it was going to be a book to read and then time passed and its details got blurry but i remembered i wanted to read it and when i saw it was coming out on the 24th of may i thought oh drat i will not be able to read that because the world is ending and all and then and then i saw it at my library right before the world was scheduled to end and the crisis was avertedand then the world didn't end after all but i got the consolation prize of getting to read this book and it is so much better than being rapturedi thought this was going to be like a beauty ueen version of a battle royale fight to the death on an island it isn't it is something far lasting and necessary and it makes me a little embarrassed that i ever wanted to read about hot teenage girls killing each other mea culpa i have been accustomed to a certain kind of literaturebut this is all about girls girls who have been brainwashed and convinced that the only way to achieve success is to live within the shelter of a very small world like a baby veal and to maintain a very small carefully cultivated personality and to be pretty and recite what the judges wanna hear and the girls have all bought into this line for different reasons for money for parental approval to feel loved but on the island these things changeand shit gets real as it simultaneously gets unreal with some over the top situations that are fun and campy and sometimes silly but really enjoyable she makes some really smart writerly choices that make her book both real feeling in parts obvs and emotionally complicatedthis ends up being a good companion piece to black swanthese are spoilers for black swanview spoilerbecause my reading of the movie is less like this is what happens when you overwork yourself into exhaustion in your uest to be the best and the bad dark impulses get in and like this is what happens when you are told that in order to be acceptable you have to go against all your natural inclinations and you end up a triumphant bloody corpse because grrrrl power and abdominal bleeds make you succeed but to subsume your own personality is ultimately death hide spoiler


  5. Hailey (Hailey in Bookland) Hailey (Hailey in Bookland) says:

    45Reread for class 2017STILL SO AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS “I love you for who you are not who the world thinks you should be” This book is definitely one that you're either going to love or you're going to hate I can see why people wouldn't like it but fortunately for me I really really enjoyed this It wasn't what I expected but that was definitely a good thing PS I listened to this on audiobook and I definitely recommend you do the same The audiobook is narrated by Libba Bray herself and it is just fabulous It really makes this book 'read' as if it were a TV show Writing Style So I've only read one other Libba Bray book The Diviners which is a paranormal historical fiction I loved it especially the writing of it This book being a satirical kind of survival story is obviously of a completely different breed Since it was so different I wasn't sure how Libba Bray's lyrical elouent writing style would translate into such a genre I was definitely pleasantly surprised I don't know how she did it but she was able to use her lyrical style to her advantage and completely transform the satirical form This story was crazy funny it read like a TV show but it still had that fluid aspect to it that really makes Libba Bray's writing so enjoyable Characters I'm not going to go through each of the individual characters since there are so many but let me just say I loved every single one of the girls in this book You would think with so many characters it would get confusing and difficult to distinguish between them but this was not an issue at all Even with the audiobook I could distinguish between each of the characters voices since they were so uniue For me this says a lot about Libba Bray's abilities as a writer Weaving so many distinct voices into one book really is such a difficult feat and the fact that she was able to do so really makes me appreciate her as a authorThis is kind of overlapping with plot but I loved the fact that each character had their own issue and they all worked together to help each other overcome their issues Plot I simultaneously loved and hated the plot I didn't really like how the whole Confederation plot played out though I did really enjoy the execution of it with all the little footnote advertisements and the commercials woven in I just felt like the whole thing was a tad too far fetched for me but for the most part I did enjoy it Like I mentioned briefly before a lot of serious issues were brought into the plot of the story They were so intricately woven in that you were really just unconsciously being taught so many important lessons and I loved that The amount of issues Libba Bray was able to touch upon was amazing and I really applaud her ability to present these important taboo issues in a funny but not offensive manner Overall I loved this book It was just so uotable and funny yet it also dealt with so many important issues and for that reason I would recommend this book to everyone especially girls This book made Libba Bray become one of my favourite authors


  6. Emma Giordano Emma Giordano says:

    4 Stars I really enjoyed this book Super funny entertaining and realCW death mild violence transphobia racism and sexism all challenged in textI had a lot of fun with Beauty ueens This story is very engaging and entertaining Libba Bray is hilarious and the many ridiculous situations these girls get into will absolutely keep you chuckling the entire time If you disliked Lord of the Flies when you were forced to read it in high school you may actually enjoy this story about teens who have to build a small society when stranded on an island Beauty ueens is a fabulous character driven novel We have a fairly large cast of characters that are eually well developed and uniue Libba Bray has clearly always had a talent for characterization I was actually surprised to see how progressive this novel was for being published in 2012 as this book features a ton of diversity in terms of race sexuality gender and disability I personally felt all of these identities were handled with care and created some very authentic portrayals Also it’s HELLA feminist – woohoo I wouldn’t say they are my favorite literary ladies of all time but they carried the story in a positive way and I deeply enjoyed getting to know themOmniscient narration does not always sit well with me and I unfortunately did not love the way we were jumping into the private thoughts of multiple characters in one short scene in this book I don’t believe that’s a fault of author’s because she is consistently an exceptional writer; It’s just a personal preference of mineAdditionally I was not a huge fan of the ending I was not expecting Beauty ueens to be as so political and have a large focus on economics I actually think it added a lot of dimension and was necessary to tell the complete story but I was not very interested Some of the commentary throughout the novel was engaging but the ending became a little far fetched and outrageous for my taste I greatly preferred following the girls attempting to survive on the island and interacting with each other to the secondary plotline that eventually closed out the story It did make the book complex and well rounded but I think I may have enjoyed it if there story remained focused on the girls their survival in the endI’m super glad I read Beauty ueens and would definitely recommend to anyone looking for a fun humorous story that still possesses some deeper themes and great characters


  7. Nat Nat says:

    I wanted to pick this book up because it reminded me ofThis review contains spoilersAnd also because Lair of Dreams left me in a bit of a reading slump and what better way to get out of one than by reading another book by the same author am I right? “Our tale begins with a sudden fall from blue skies with screams and prayers and a camera crew bravely recording every bit of the turbulence and drama”When a plane crash strands thirteen teen beauty contestants on a mysterious island they struggle to survive to get along with one another to combat the island's other diabolical occupants and to learn their dance numbers in case they are rescued in time for the competitionWe get to know each of the thirteen through the 'Fun Facts About Me' page which I thoroughly enjoyed and decided to include some of my favorite facts• Adina Greenberg's fun fact My platform is Identifying Misogyny in American Culture It’s all about helping girls ID the objectification of women when they see it You know like when girls are asked to parade around in bathing suits and heels and get scored on that”• Jennifer Huberman's fun fact “My personal motto is WWWWD? What Would Wonder Woman Do?”• Petra West's fun fact “The thing that scares me most is not being myself” • Sosie Simmons' fun fact “I am hearing impaired but that doesn’t stop me I hear with my heart Well not really Because as anybody who is not a complete and total moron knows the heart does not have ears This is the kind of st they make disabled people say all the time so everybody’s all “okay” with us Soooo annoying”• Mary Lou Novak's fun fact “The most important uality in a friend is to be yourself Unless you’re not a very nice person Then you should try to be somebody else”• Taylor Rene Krystal Hawkins's fun fact “Personal motto “God made me beautiful The least I can do is share it with the world”And speaking of favorites of mine I found Petra to be one of the most compelling characters within this storyline I completely fell in love with her when we were told the tale her mother used to tell her as a bedtime storyThe story was about a frog cheerfully insisting to all in the meadow that it was a princess in waiting “Before sleep each night the frog prayed to the four winds to the great fish to the sun above and to the goddess moon that when it woke it would be a princess Yet each morning the frog opened its eyes to find it was still only a frog How could nature be so wrong about something so important?”“The Wise Witch was very grateful to the little frog She kept her promise “What is your heart’s desire?” she askedBut the frog had almost given up on its wish It didn’t know if such a wish were possible “Well” it said softly afraid “I have always wanted to be a princess But I have seen myself in the river And it has shown me that I am a frog”The witch smiled “The river does not know everything Look again”It's one of the most beautiful stories that I've readAlso the parts where the girls just talked with one another about what they missed and didn’t miss crumbled my heart “Miss Montana stared into the fire “Sometimes I just want to go in a room and break things and scream Like it’s so much pressure all the time and if you get upset or angry people say ‘Are you on the rag or something?’ And it’s like I want to say ‘No I’m just pissed off right now Can’t I just be pissed off? How come that’s not okay for me?’ Like my dad will say ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re hysterical’ And I’m totally not being hysterical I’m just mad And he’s the one losing it But then I feel embarrassed anyway So I slap on that smile and pretend everything’s okay even though it’s not Anyway” Miss Montana pasted on an embarrassed half smile “Sorry for the rant”“Why do you have to be sorry?” Nicole asked“Well I don’t know”“Why do girls always feel like they have to apologize for giving an opinion or taking up space in the world? Have you ever noticed that?” Nicole asked “You go on websites and some girl leaves a post and if it’s longer than three sentences or she’s expressing her thoughts about some topic she usually ends with ‘Sorry for the rant’ or ‘That may be dumb but that’s what I think’”This book educated me a lot without ever feeling preachy which I really admireAnd while respectively handling serious subjects Beauty ueens also has a wicked sense of humor that was right up my alley “I’ll do it” Miss Arkansas volunteered“No This is about Miss New Hampshire We are the Miss Teen Dream team We are only as strong as our weakest link There is no I in “team”“There’s no U in asshole either and yet ” Adina muttered”Adina wasn't my absolute favorite because her humor could be a little overstepping And like Petra said just because you’re funny doesn’t mean you get to be cruel But sometimes Adina uttered some of the funniest things that had me laughing out loud Weeks go by when suddenly the girls rescue ? the cast of Captains Bodacious IV that arrive during a storm which I thought would make the story lose its steam a little But never doubt Libba Bray because she managed to keep me entertained till the end “Say could one of you lovelies get me something to uench my thirst?”Four girls turned to go and Adina said “You seem able bodied to me”Captain Sinjin put a hand to his chest “We’ve been through a shipwreck luv We’re exhausted and need to lie about”“Oh I know how you feel” Tiara said “When our plane crashed here and we had to bury the dead and deal with really bad wounds and Miss New Mexico got that tray stuck in her head —”“Hi” Miss New Mexico waved“— and the chaperones were all charred in the wreckage and it was really gross and scary and there was nothing to eat and no shelter and we had to build all that stuff and deal with giant snakes and bug bites and we barely survived a giant wave and mudslides and hallucinogenic plants and stuff we were so so tired”But I did low key despise the cast of pirates at first We were having so much fun getting to know each girl and hearing their stories and then these reality TV boys arrive I kept thinking girls please stay strong and don't fall for those idiots I'm begging youBut I found it laughable when Adina was all “Good God All you had to do was introduce the scent of testosterone and perfectly capable together girls were reduced to giggling lash batting hair playing idiots She hated it when girls did this When they got all goo goo eyed over Y chromosome–carrying creatures instead of taking care of themselves It’s what her mother had done her whole life cater to some man instead of looking after herself Or Adina”Until a boy bumps into her in which case she turned all “Let me help you with that”“I don’t need your help” Adina called but Duff was already wading into the water This was the problem with men They just assumed They just took action It was infuriating And reductive And slightly thrillingThe wet clung to Duff’s pants as he strode into the surf and she could see the curve of his ass Man he was fine”Get your head in the game—I swear I thought they were troubleBut okay I did grow to like Sinjin mostly because of Petra And yeah I also liked his silly humor and the way he didn’t take himself too seriously “Petra looked up to the moon as if appealing to its grace She liked this one and wanted but she was afraid there was no hope of that“Sorry I just So you used to be a guy J T Woodland Of Boyz Will B Boyz”“Yes” “Right”“It’s okay I can tell you’re freaked out”Petra started to get up Sinjin took her wrist gently “Well yeah But mostly because you used to be in Boyz Will B Boyz That’s unbelievable I mean you played Top of the Pops”Petra allowed a small smile He had surprised her That didn’t happen often She sat down again “Should I tell you the story?”“Yeah”“How much should I tell you?”“Everything”I really really liked them “Carefully he tucked a strand of hair behind Petra’s ear and let his hand rest for a moment against the soft wide plain of her cheekbone “I think you’re beautiful And brave And really fucking cool And you can make Charles Dickens puns”Petra leaned the weight of her face into Sinjin’s palm “You know who and what I am So if this is just the old curiosity shop you can stop right now”Sinjin looked her in the eyes There was not a trace of smirk in his expression “‘I hope that real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world’”“David Copperfield” Petra whispered positioning her lips close to his“Why are you bringing magicians into it?” Sinjin said and kissed her tenderly It was a kiss small in its ministrations but epic in its feeling” Libba Bray sure knows how to shut me up I mean how could I forget that she's a master at writing swoon worthy romances????Like damn That scene with Adina and Duff in the cabin made me sweat But thenwhen his true assholish behaviour was revealed I was appalled “She tapped Duff on the arm He tipped his head back to look up at her “Hello Mary Lou”“Could you stand up please?”Duff gave the boys an I wonder what this is about look “Sure thing” He stood and faced Mary Lou “What’s up?”“This” Mary Lou’s fist connected with Duff’s face in an audible crunch He tottered like a drunk And if there had been a clock on the island it would have ticked off exactly three seconds before he lost consciousness and went down hard in the sand“Ow” Mary Lou shook out her hand Then she took her place at the fire and drank the rest of Duff’s coconut milk drinking till she was sated”And thank you Mary Lou for handling the situation like a pro I won't forget Duff's awfulness anytime soon The hurt was a pain in the center of my chest And his 'apology' was so half hearted it only made things worse for meBut the girls didn't let those bumps along the road falter the course of their actions “We could take the world by storm you know? It’ll be like we proved ourselves like all those heroes’ journey stories about boys only we’re girls”At its core this book was a very character driven one which was my favorite thing We had an incredible wide cast of characters that I connected with one way or anotherI found myself in Petra’s determination in Shanti's soundness in Nicole's sensibleness in Taylor’s unwavering commitment and I could go on and on —but bottom line these girls made me feel at homeI think it’s safe to say that Libba Bray has got my heart with all these remarkably fleshed out characters I'm still moony eyed after everythingTo put it simply Beauty ueens at heart is a sad sort of beautiful Like all the best books “There was something about the island that made the girls forget who they had been All those rules and shalt nots They were no longer waiting for some arbitrary grade They were no longer performing Waiting HopingThey were becomingThey were”Also I have to mention this next tiny detail because it warmed my heart COMMERCIAL BREAKA high school hallway A girl MARCIA slams her locker door in frustration She looks haggard NATALIE and RACHEL stand off to one side watching and shaking their headsWhat are the chances that both my name and my sister’s name Rachel would be on the same page?My reaction to it totally reminded me of this vine 45 stars Note I'm an Affiliate If you're interested in buying Beauty ueens just click on the image below to go through my link I'll make a small commission This review and can be found on my blog


  8. Madeline Madeline says:

    Before we begin let me just say this I feel really bad about the review I'm going to write here Normally I don't mind writing negative reviews in fact much for the same reason I always get a little thrill when someone trolls my reviews I sort of enjoy doling out negative criticism for the psychology behind this please refer to Anton Ego's monologue on criticism at the end of Ratatouille Especially when it's an author I dislike I can and will trash Twilight until its memory is wiped from the earth but things get complicated when it comes time to give a negative review of an author I like Because lest you get any other ideas I love Libba Bray I loved A Great and Terrible Beauty I loved Going Bovine and I think she personally is brilliant and funny and I would love to hang out with her and talk about books and history and James Bond all damn dayBut I try to base my reviewing style off the advice of Lester Bangs which is that you have to make your reputation on being honestand unmerciful So Honest and unmerciful Here we go So the basic plot a plane carrying the fifty contestants of the Miss Teen Dream pageant crashes on an island killing all but thirteen of the competitors The girls have to figure out how to survive on their own and learn who they really are while also uestioning their own reasons for being in the pageant in the first place Meanwhile the mysterious Corporation who controls the pageant along with everything else on TV advertising and possibly the whole country is working on its own dastardly plot connected with the pageants Also there are sexy pirates oh don't worry I'll get to themI don't understand why there are so few negative reviews of this book Before I read it all I knew about it was from the many glowing reviews praising the book's humor its brilliant message its terrific characters etc Maybe these people are seeing something I'm not Maybe I'm a moron But for whatever reason here are the big problems I found with this book boiled down to some key points Regularly Spits In the Face of Logic Not real world logic which is fine to disregard but the logic that the world of the story has already established There's a part where two of the characters are talking about money they spend on pageants and one girl is shocked when the other tells her how much the average pageant gown costs Hang on you're in a pageant as the story takes place and you don't know how much pageant gowns cost? Buh? Similarly there are just too many coincidences to put up with First a plane full of beauty ueens crashes on a deserted island conveniently killing off any adults or authority figures But surprise the island is also inhabited by a Corporation stronghold And meanwhile a sexy eco warrior is camped out on the island I am not making any of that up And then a boat carrying the sexy young cast of a pirate TV show crashes on the island with at least one hot boy who is perfect for each of our main characters Up until the very last page I was waiting for Bray to reveal that the entire thing the crash the pirates the comically evil corporate villains had all been staged from the beginning as the pilot for some awesome new reality TV show But no There was no staging It all actually happened and I don't understand how or why It's Super Easy to Be in a Pageant Apparently Adina our sort of protagonist is an aspiring journalist who's only in the pageant so she can write a tell all article about it Fine but this is a national pageant How in the hell did she fake her way to getting the Miss New Hampshire crown beating out hundreds of other girls who have been doing this for real since they were children? For god's sake at least Gracie Hart had the FBI rigging the competition so she could get to the Top Ten And Adina's not even the only one another character does the pageant to make a social statement and another one does it because she's won everything else already Jesus from the way this book makes pageants sound anybody can win a trophy with no experience or genuine effort It's All So Very Very Satirical This book is a satire I get that But the satire is all so broad so winkingly obvious that after the second commercial break I was tired of it Bray goes for the obvious jokes and stereotypes a religious gun loving Texan character? How innovative without delving deeper into who these girls are and why they do pageants short answer according to this book either to make a social statement or childhood trauma All the satire is so heavy handed that it practically bruises and the story gets too bogged down in its own jokes The book seems to be begging us to applaud its cleverness as it hits us with a barrage of made up pop culture references and fake TV show titles and jokes that have no business being there at all except to get another laugh out of us the funniest line in the book in fact makes no sense in the context it's delivered and is completely unnecessary The Protagonist is the Wrong Girl The character of Taylor starts out as the villain a serious religious pageant veteran who has total faith in the Miss Teen Dream philosophy and message She seems like the bad guy but when she finds out that the rescue has been called off and the girls have been abandoned she snaps We learn about her traumatic childhood her need to be perfect and accepted and loved and then Taylor goes full Rambo and starts living by herself in the jungle taking out the bad guys one by one like a crazy ninja armed with hairspray This story is awesome but it has to take a backseat to all the other girls and the stupid stupid pirate romance bullshit that really should have been left out completely Feminish? I have a bad habit of analyzing things from a feminist viewpoint I went to a women's college it's part of my programming when they don't deserve to be analyzed that way But Beauty ueens is set up as a modern feminist manifesto railing against the pageant system and our standards of beauty and who girls are expected to be in today's worldand it only works a little bit Like the satirical elements all the feminist messages are slammed in our faces with no subtly Adina our Token Empowered Girl speaks in cliched feminist slogans like I don't need a man to define me and the characters all have very obvious conversations about how much society sucks if you're a girl Heavy handed doesn't begin to describe itAnd at the same time there's an odd insistence on the importance of the girls' love lives First there's the girl who sexes up the eco warrior which I guess is fine because the chapter was really about her reclaiming her sexuality and not being afraid of her own desires but then the hot pirates show up and it all goes to hell as various girls lose their damn minds over the sexy sexy boys even our Feminist Icon Adina is powerless when faced with sensitive bad boys who share some of her interests I could put up with all of that if there was a legitimate reason for the pirates to be in the book But I've thought about it and I honestly cannot come up with a single compelling reason that they should have been included at all They have almost no effect on the overall plot and anything they do manage to accomplish could have easily been done by other characters They served no purpose and I wish they'd been cut out of the story entirely What's the Message Again? It feels like Bray is trying to write two different books here On the one hand we have a campy outrageous pageant caper with maniacal villains outrageous escapes and general balls out hilarity; and then we have a serious social statement about girls today and who society wants them to be There are some very good ideas in this book it's inspired in part by Lord of the Flies and discusses when it's not throwing out pop culture jokes and romance subplots the idea that girls need an island of their own where they don't have to worry about being who everyone else wants them to be and discover who they really are But it doesn't mesh with the silly campy mood that defines the rest of the book How can we take these girls' opinions about societal pressures seriously when the villains have a secret lair in a volcano with a self destruct system that can be overridden by making a Powerpoint presentation again not making this up To use a tired expression Bray is trying to have her cake and eat it too and the result is a jumbled mess of a book that can’t decide where it’s going or what it wants to be sort of like the girls in the story – hey maybe the whole format is an allegory Well you think of a better explanation


  9. Petra-X Petra-X says:

    In Lord of the Flies by William Golding the boys wrecked and alone on an island act as Golding says boys being true to their nature will And it ain't pretty gangs anarchism bullying murder It's a brilliant bookSo is Libba Bray's What she has to say about women in Beauty ueens also wrecked and alone on an island is that even the most dedicated fashionista of a girl with her acrylic nails and furry false eyelashes is solid when she has to be In real life these girls go home in the evening kick off their stiletto heels put on some jeans and see to the kids Dinner homework ironing school uniform making lunch boxes and putting them to bed is the minimum amount of work If they have a partner it gets even complicatedOnly then only after they have looked after the family do they touch up their acrylics and add another coat to their toenails and ring the girlfriends for gossip scandal and plans Next day when the kids have been breakfasted and sent on their way and the laundry loaded into the machine our heroine will again be ghetto fabulous with glossy pouted lips and looking like she wasn't really made of steel at allThat's women and Libba Bray got it in this geniusly funny book where every taboo social norm and anything that gets in the way of women being true to themselves is knocked about and eventually trampled underfoot by all All the girls will come to see their true worth although some of them do hang on to their self image as dumb blonde but pretty until forced out of it by necessity All the girls are different and some when they define themselves as capable women without any need to impress with looks will finds paths far different from that of the beauty pageant they were on their way to enterThis isn't to say that all women are good cookies no there are the truly evil sociopathic baddies too Close to the ending the plot goes haywire in a good way and a very manipulative woman based on a real life character is revealed A bit of googling and you can easily find out who she is To say would be a spoilerThis should be read alongside Lord of the Flies in school but it won't be It's too much fun too many actually not enough lipsticks and definitely not literary enough It is a 5 star read and a good boost to confidence for teenage girls who think that looks are enough They aren't unless they aspire to be in the Playboy Mansion or be famous like the Kardashian trash which is than sad They should read this book and see that they can do anything at all they want and still like putting on the paint and pouting for a selfie Read Dec 312014 reviewed Aug 22 2015


  10. Nancy Nancy says:

    Cross posted at Outlaw Reviews and at Shelf Inflicted I was on the fence about this book A story about teen beauty pageant contestants stranded on a desert island just doesn’t do anything for me After reading Stephanie's review I decided to try the audio version At first I thought it was ridiculous irritating and just plain stupid It wasn’t long before I was laughing and snorting in public places In the beginning it was a little difficult to get to know the characters The story is told from different perspectives and it was hard for me to get all the girls straight Some of them had uniue ualities and “secrets” that made them stand out while others were a little flat and unmemorable I loved the Miss Teen Dream Fun Facts Page the wacky footnotes that explained products and status symbols famous personalities and TV shows like “Bridal Death Match the popular TV show about brides who cage fight each other in order to win the wedding of their dreams”This story is a satire about the superficiality of consumer culture politics and mega corporations that control everything we watch read and buy It deals with racism disability and sexuality There is adventure mystery and a dollop of romance There are important messages here about survival friendship beauty acceptance independence and what it means to be a woman Hilarious empowering honest and highly recommended


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10 thoughts on “Beauty ueens

  1. Penny Penny says:

    Preheat oven to 375 degrees In a large bowl mix the plots from Drop Dead Gorgeous Austin Powers Mean Girls Lost and Lord of the Flies Whip until nice and fluffy Stir in eual parts Bollywood Boy Bands Pirates An Evil Corporation Crappy Parenting Reality TV Miss Teen USA pageants and commercials aimed at teens Next add 4 cups Teenage Sexuality all types 2 cups Feminism 12 cup Identity Issues 12 cup Self Esteem Issues 16 Teenage Beauty ueens all types Just make sure one is much intelligent then the others a handful of henchmen a handful of open minded hot guys with British accents one hot eco terrorist one crazy go nuts dictator copious amounts of satire and 1 20 oz bag of Sarah Palin Stir until well blended Batter will be slightly lumpy Pour into cupcake pans cuz cupcakes are all the rage yo Bake for 35 minutes Let coolFrosting Mix eual parts Sunshine Love World Peace Sparkle Ponies Seuined Dresses Cute Shoes Makeup GRRRRRRRRRL POWER a handful of sand one Lesbian makeout session and one Sex Tape Whip until creamy Frost cupcakes then sprinkle with way too many unnecessary footnotes Top each cupcake with a maraschino cherry that has been laced with an organic hallucinogen Take those cupcakes and dumb them down Dumb them down again A little One timeSTOP Okay there you have it the recipe for Libba Bray's Beauty ueens in cupcake form Enjoy 25 stars Real review to be posted after the weekend I spent the weekend thinking about what I would say in this review how I would explain my beef with this book I want to make it clear I don't hate Beauty ueens nor do I like it It was okay overall I mean sure it did have it's moments Not that Beauty ueens caused me to laugh out loud because it didn't especially not after the novelty of the helpful footnotes and commercial parodies wore off They were fun for the first few chapters then they became an irritation Also I don't particularly care for Libba Bray's brand of satire At times it was so overdone it only inspired sighs of frustration eye rolling and thoughts of that would have been funny if or that could have been powerful if from me I felt as though I was watching one of those really bad read not funny movie parodies like Dance Flick or Epic Movie Yes at times Beauty ueens is that much of a punishment and then some But that's not the worst part My major problem has to do with the fact that Bray's story had a great foundation I mean just read this “I’ve been thinking about that book about the boys who crash on an island” Mary Lou said to Adina one afternoon as they rested on their elbows taking bites from the same papaya“Lord of the Flies What about it?”You know how you said it wasn’t a true measure of humanity because there were no girls and you wondered how it would be different if there had been girls?”“Yeah?”“Maybe girls need an island to find themselves Maybe they need a place where no one’s watching them so they can be who they really are”There was something about the island that made the girls forget who they had been All those rules and shalt nots They were no longer waiting for some arbitrary grade They were no longer performing Waiting HopingThey were becomingThey were Sure it's all a little contrived but still it's a great jumping off point Instead of doing anything worthwhile with it Bray took that idea and made it into a Very Special Episode of The Facts of Life except way condescending and a ba zillion times preachier it's not like the main message Bray is pummeling her audience with is new Girlfriend is preaching to the choir the entire time And at no point does this book challenge one to think Beauty ueens thinks for you because thinking is hard y'all You wanna sell me on something? Give me a chance to think for myself Show me both sides of the argument Present me with uestions that don't necessarily have an easy answer Let me draw my own conclusions Don't incessantly beat me upside my head with your answers your way of thinking See when that happens I tend to lose interest in what you have to say even if I happen to agree with you because you clearly think you're superior that I'm not intelligent enough to come to the right read your conclusion Do Not Like And don't even think of telling me that some teenage girls need a book to do their thinking for them that they need to be force fed the messages contained within Beauty ueens because their parents their peers the media has damaged them tricked them into thinking otherwise Even if that is the case with some teenage girls I fail to see how shoving a message down their collective throats be it negative or positive is the way to go about building up self esteem or fixing identity issues Moving onI don't fault Libba Bray for wanting to make this book funny because Beauty ueens would have bombed royally had it taken itself too seriously But like I said earlier she took the satire the tongue in cheekiness way too far Beauty ueens is obnoxious Beauty ueens is that know it all girl that you sort of want to punch in the face because she isn't as clever as she thinks she is; someone ought to bring her down a few notchesAnyway because of Bray's lack of control every character has been reduced to a cardboard cut out of a stereotype Beauty ueens has two really stupid blondes from the south a really slutty girl from the midwest a super sexually repressed girl from the upper midwest two minorities a crazy pageant head from Texas A stereotypical lesbian and a girl who is hearing impaired Even Ms New Hampshire whom might I add is this story's Marysue is feminist to a fault goes around feeling superior to the other girls on the island because she's enlightened and they're just a bunch of stupid fools There were a few others who had even less going for them Ms New Mexico for example had a tray table embedded in her skull That was her only defining uality throughout the entire book I kid you not headdeskThe only character that I found interesting that had any sort of depth was Ms Rhode Island view spoiler Ms Rhode Island was born a boy; transgendered hide spoiler

  2. Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies says:

    This book is the definition of satire and black humor If you're easily offended this book is not for you It's tongue in cheek it's darkly humorous and it's absolutely fa bu lous snaps finger It confronts the truth behind our daily livesit deals with issues of race sexism and stereotypes while managing to retain a light sarcastic tone The main characters in this book are all beauty pageant competitors but rest assured they are strong feminist types down to the take charge Miss Texas who is a hell of a lot tougher than her big breasts and blonde hair would imply Taylor stood in a perfect three uarters stance arms hanging easily at her sides “I have been class president three years in a row homecoming ueen a National Merit Scholar and a member of the National Honor Society and I am a proud card carrying member of FAF — Femmes and Firearms I can shoot a thirty aught six as well as a nine millimeter and a Pink Lady paint gun Last year I took down my first buck which I cleaned filleted and vacuum sealed and with my taxidermy skills I stuffed the head and used the antlers as a supercute jewelry tree which I plan to market for the Armchair Shopping Network in the spring That is American ingenuity It’s what makes this country great and if elected I would be proud to serve Thank you” Some brilliant genius decided to hold a pageant on a far off island and the 50 contestants of the Miss Teen Dream pageant along with the army needed to maintain them are being flown there The only problem is that the plane crashes onto a deserted island and pretty much everyone dies The surviving contestants will have to well survive on a delightful tropical island using their own wits ingenuity and pageant approved talents The contestants range from the confident and strong leader Perky Miss Texasto Adina who had a plan before it came crashing down along with the plane Adina had entered but for her own secret reasons She would smile and pose and when the time was right she would show everyone what a joke this was — what a joke her mom’s life was How stupid the girls in her high school were for believing in this beauty and happily ever after crap She would use the money from the publication of her exposé to buy that drum kit herself Maybe she’d even write a song about the whole experience “Artificial Girl” Or “Teen Dream Armageddon” Yeah Adina liked the sound of that She would be a beauty pageant Che Guevara7 The situations within the book are absolutely outrageous and ludicrous and the can do attitude that is pervasive throughout the book makes it seem insane but I loved every single moment Miss New Mexico stared dumbfounded “Stand out? Stand out I have a freaking tray stuck in my forehead” She broke into fresh sobsTaylor clapped for attention “Miss New Mexico let’s not get all down in the bummer basement where the creepy things live There are people in heathen China who don’t even have airline trays We have a lot to be grateful for” The girls not only have to survive but must maintain their pageant form by constantly practicing and being in top form for the competition once they're rescued “Ohmigosh No food at all” Tiara sank down on the sand as if the full weight of their predicament had finally hit her She blinked back tears And then that megawatt smile that belonged on cereal boxes across the nation reappeared “I am going to be so superskinny by pageant time” But cold harsh reality soon sets in They're probably fucked I’m so hungry Even hungrier than when my mom put me on that grapefruit and hot sauce diet before the Miss Tupelo pageant last year”“I’ve done that diet” Nicole saidShanti nodded “Me too Except without the grapefruit”Tiara’s eyes filled with tears “All those years of starving myself and now I’m really starving”“Feels like we’ve been in training for the wrong pageant” Nicole said with a sighTheir bellies ached with hunger and the earlier thrill of losing a few pounds before pageant time had been replaced with a terrible desperate longing for food I know that from the uotes the book seems very lighthearted and silly don't let that fool you because this book deals with a lot of serious issues albeit in a very offhanded manner The issue of race is a particularly noticeable one it's mentioned sometimes in a flippant manner For a second Nicole wasn’t sure that she should go with these white girls They sounded like they’d gone straight up crazy and the only other brown girl was giving her an eyeful of attitude Nicole did what she’d been taught since she was little and her parents had moved into an all white neighborhood She smiled and made herself seem as friendly and nonthreatening as possible But that little uote right there is the harsh reality of being black or minority in America African Americans have to blend in They have to appear cultured They have to be non threatening in order to be accepted This book also confronts the double standards of race “You don’t think the pageant’s a little racist? I mean in the whole history of the pageant an African American girl has only won once — Sherry Sparks”In the forty year history of the Miss Teen Dream Pageant she was the only African American winner — until it was revealed that Sherry had once shoplifted an eye shadow from an Easy Rx store and she was drummed out in shame It didn’t matter that in the years since then two white contestants had been disualified for sexy phone photos or that last year’s winner Miss Florida had been forced to apologize when it was discovered that she had gotten drunk at a frat party and a video surfaced of her sloppily twirling batons in her underwear and bra No it was still Sherry Sparks they talked about This was a hilarious darkly humorous witty and altogether fantastic book

  3. Emily May Emily May says:

    According to this book and the Teen Dream Beauty contestants women and particularly girls tend to apologise immediately before or after voicing their opinion For example I'm sorry but I just think or I really don't like such and such sorry but that's just my opinion So in true girl power spirit I'm going to openly honestly and without apology declare that I EFFIN' LOVED THIS BOOK In every single possible wayThis is what every teenage girl should be reading In fact scratch that it's what every teenager regardless of gender should be reading This is the novel that has compiled it all pretty much every single young adult issue has been condensed into this 380 give or take page book of awesomeness I won't go shouting about it being everybody's favourite book I'm sure that just isn't true and the mixed reviews so far have only proved my concerns about Libba Bray's humour not suiting everyone and the strange format in which the book is written also won't appeal to every single person But god if it isn't importantIt says everything that needs to be said It also says what people think and don't say because they're afraid of looking bad or being laughed at or being pitied It's not just a book about gender feminism slut shaming beauty myths depression family issues homosexuality transexuality race racism disabilities and feeling inadeuate It's about all of those things combined on a desert island where a bunch of Teen Beauty contestants struggle to survive without hair straighteners make up and lotionsI expected this to be another 'bitch' book What do I mean? I mean the stories where girls turn on each other and destroy one another through carefully manipulated psychological abuse I expected a combination of Lord of the Flies and 'Mean Girls' This is not that book This story is the one where girls who in other circumstances are little than each other's competition come together in a time of crisis and find that just by sticking together and opening up to one another they come to understand about themselves and how they are far important than the labels they wearThis is the message I've always wanted to see and I understand why some people don't think this is the reality I've read some reviews where it seems to be the opinion that girls in these circumstances would turn on each other in true high school bitchy fashion I disagree Yeah I'm going to say that and I'm not going to say sorry either lol I think that in fact I know from experience that people act differently when in a crisis Priorities change and you see whole new sides of people's personalities That is what happens here When the girls' world is turned upside down they do what they must to survive and through doing so realise a great deal of important stuff too What I love most is that while Libba Bray's message about beauty being of no real importance is obvious she also works to show the reader how that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with a girl wanting to look nice This is an expression of sexuality and the novel's all for that Can a girl who wears make up be a feminist? Of course ridiculous uestionThis is a book about survival femininity and kinda cheesy but I love it being yourself I thought it was wonderful and all the time managed to stay on the right side of that fine line between feminism and misandry If you learn nothing else from this book at least take away the fact that every opinion is just as important and you should never apologise for your own on that note I am completely shamelessly and unapologetically in love with this book

  4. karen karen says:

    BITCHES HEY BITCHES OVER HERE excuse me i mean young ladies put down that stephanie meyer book is that cosmo girl?? yeah lose that stop reading the cliue and get over here right nowdon't read anything else until you read this book you can even stop reading this review i don't care as long as you read this book well the book comes out tomorrow so you might as well finish reading this review after all when caris reviewed this book ages ago i knew it was going to be a book to read and then time passed and its details got blurry but i remembered i wanted to read it and when i saw it was coming out on the 24th of may i thought oh drat i will not be able to read that because the world is ending and all and then and then i saw it at my library right before the world was scheduled to end and the crisis was avertedand then the world didn't end after all but i got the consolation prize of getting to read this book and it is so much better than being rapturedi thought this was going to be like a beauty ueen version of a battle royale fight to the death on an island it isn't it is something far lasting and necessary and it makes me a little embarrassed that i ever wanted to read about hot teenage girls killing each other mea culpa i have been accustomed to a certain kind of literaturebut this is all about girls girls who have been brainwashed and convinced that the only way to achieve success is to live within the shelter of a very small world like a baby veal and to maintain a very small carefully cultivated personality and to be pretty and recite what the judges wanna hear and the girls have all bought into this line for different reasons for money for parental approval to feel loved but on the island these things changeand shit gets real as it simultaneously gets unreal with some over the top situations that are fun and campy and sometimes silly but really enjoyable she makes some really smart writerly choices that make her book both real feeling in parts obvs and emotionally complicatedthis ends up being a good companion piece to black swanthese are spoilers for black swanview spoilerbecause my reading of the movie is less like this is what happens when you overwork yourself into exhaustion in your uest to be the best and the bad dark impulses get in and like this is what happens when you are told that in order to be acceptable you have to go against all your natural inclinations and you end up a triumphant bloody corpse because grrrrl power and abdominal bleeds make you succeed but to subsume your own personality is ultimately death hide spoiler

  5. Hailey (Hailey in Bookland) Hailey (Hailey in Bookland) says:

    45Reread for class 2017STILL SO AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS “I love you for who you are not who the world thinks you should be” This book is definitely one that you're either going to love or you're going to hate I can see why people wouldn't like it but fortunately for me I really really enjoyed this It wasn't what I expected but that was definitely a good thing PS I listened to this on audiobook and I definitely recommend you do the same The audiobook is narrated by Libba Bray herself and it is just fabulous It really makes this book 'read' as if it were a TV show Writing Style So I've only read one other Libba Bray book The Diviners which is a paranormal historical fiction I loved it especially the writing of it This book being a satirical kind of survival story is obviously of a completely different breed Since it was so different I wasn't sure how Libba Bray's lyrical elouent writing style would translate into such a genre I was definitely pleasantly surprised I don't know how she did it but she was able to use her lyrical style to her advantage and completely transform the satirical form This story was crazy funny it read like a TV show but it still had that fluid aspect to it that really makes Libba Bray's writing so enjoyable Characters I'm not going to go through each of the individual characters since there are so many but let me just say I loved every single one of the girls in this book You would think with so many characters it would get confusing and difficult to distinguish between them but this was not an issue at all Even with the audiobook I could distinguish between each of the characters voices since they were so uniue For me this says a lot about Libba Bray's abilities as a writer Weaving so many distinct voices into one book really is such a difficult feat and the fact that she was able to do so really makes me appreciate her as a authorThis is kind of overlapping with plot but I loved the fact that each character had their own issue and they all worked together to help each other overcome their issues Plot I simultaneously loved and hated the plot I didn't really like how the whole Confederation plot played out though I did really enjoy the execution of it with all the little footnote advertisements and the commercials woven in I just felt like the whole thing was a tad too far fetched for me but for the most part I did enjoy it Like I mentioned briefly before a lot of serious issues were brought into the plot of the story They were so intricately woven in that you were really just unconsciously being taught so many important lessons and I loved that The amount of issues Libba Bray was able to touch upon was amazing and I really applaud her ability to present these important taboo issues in a funny but not offensive manner Overall I loved this book It was just so uotable and funny yet it also dealt with so many important issues and for that reason I would recommend this book to everyone especially girls This book made Libba Bray become one of my favourite authors

  6. Emma Giordano Emma Giordano says:

    4 Stars I really enjoyed this book Super funny entertaining and realCW death mild violence transphobia racism and sexism all challenged in textI had a lot of fun with Beauty ueens This story is very engaging and entertaining Libba Bray is hilarious and the many ridiculous situations these girls get into will absolutely keep you chuckling the entire time If you disliked Lord of the Flies when you were forced to read it in high school you may actually enjoy this story about teens who have to build a small society when stranded on an island Beauty ueens is a fabulous character driven novel We have a fairly large cast of characters that are eually well developed and uniue Libba Bray has clearly always had a talent for characterization I was actually surprised to see how progressive this novel was for being published in 2012 as this book features a ton of diversity in terms of race sexuality gender and disability I personally felt all of these identities were handled with care and created some very authentic portrayals Also it’s HELLA feminist – woohoo I wouldn’t say they are my favorite literary ladies of all time but they carried the story in a positive way and I deeply enjoyed getting to know themOmniscient narration does not always sit well with me and I unfortunately did not love the way we were jumping into the private thoughts of multiple characters in one short scene in this book I don’t believe that’s a fault of author’s because she is consistently an exceptional writer; It’s just a personal preference of mineAdditionally I was not a huge fan of the ending I was not expecting Beauty ueens to be as so political and have a large focus on economics I actually think it added a lot of dimension and was necessary to tell the complete story but I was not very interested Some of the commentary throughout the novel was engaging but the ending became a little far fetched and outrageous for my taste I greatly preferred following the girls attempting to survive on the island and interacting with each other to the secondary plotline that eventually closed out the story It did make the book complex and well rounded but I think I may have enjoyed it if there story remained focused on the girls their survival in the endI’m super glad I read Beauty ueens and would definitely recommend to anyone looking for a fun humorous story that still possesses some deeper themes and great characters

  7. Nat Nat says:

    I wanted to pick this book up because it reminded me ofThis review contains spoilersAnd also because Lair of Dreams left me in a bit of a reading slump and what better way to get out of one than by reading another book by the same author am I right? “Our tale begins with a sudden fall from blue skies with screams and prayers and a camera crew bravely recording every bit of the turbulence and drama”When a plane crash strands thirteen teen beauty contestants on a mysterious island they struggle to survive to get along with one another to combat the island's other diabolical occupants and to learn their dance numbers in case they are rescued in time for the competitionWe get to know each of the thirteen through the 'Fun Facts About Me' page which I thoroughly enjoyed and decided to include some of my favorite facts• Adina Greenberg's fun fact My platform is Identifying Misogyny in American Culture It’s all about helping girls ID the objectification of women when they see it You know like when girls are asked to parade around in bathing suits and heels and get scored on that”• Jennifer Huberman's fun fact “My personal motto is WWWWD? What Would Wonder Woman Do?”• Petra West's fun fact “The thing that scares me most is not being myself” • Sosie Simmons' fun fact “I am hearing impaired but that doesn’t stop me I hear with my heart Well not really Because as anybody who is not a complete and total moron knows the heart does not have ears This is the kind of st they make disabled people say all the time so everybody’s all “okay” with us Soooo annoying”• Mary Lou Novak's fun fact “The most important uality in a friend is to be yourself Unless you’re not a very nice person Then you should try to be somebody else”• Taylor Rene Krystal Hawkins's fun fact “Personal motto “God made me beautiful The least I can do is share it with the world”And speaking of favorites of mine I found Petra to be one of the most compelling characters within this storyline I completely fell in love with her when we were told the tale her mother used to tell her as a bedtime storyThe story was about a frog cheerfully insisting to all in the meadow that it was a princess in waiting “Before sleep each night the frog prayed to the four winds to the great fish to the sun above and to the goddess moon that when it woke it would be a princess Yet each morning the frog opened its eyes to find it was still only a frog How could nature be so wrong about something so important?”“The Wise Witch was very grateful to the little frog She kept her promise “What is your heart’s desire?” she askedBut the frog had almost given up on its wish It didn’t know if such a wish were possible “Well” it said softly afraid “I have always wanted to be a princess But I have seen myself in the river And it has shown me that I am a frog”The witch smiled “The river does not know everything Look again”It's one of the most beautiful stories that I've readAlso the parts where the girls just talked with one another about what they missed and didn’t miss crumbled my heart “Miss Montana stared into the fire “Sometimes I just want to go in a room and break things and scream Like it’s so much pressure all the time and if you get upset or angry people say ‘Are you on the rag or something?’ And it’s like I want to say ‘No I’m just pissed off right now Can’t I just be pissed off? How come that’s not okay for me?’ Like my dad will say ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re hysterical’ And I’m totally not being hysterical I’m just mad And he’s the one losing it But then I feel embarrassed anyway So I slap on that smile and pretend everything’s okay even though it’s not Anyway” Miss Montana pasted on an embarrassed half smile “Sorry for the rant”“Why do you have to be sorry?” Nicole asked“Well I don’t know”“Why do girls always feel like they have to apologize for giving an opinion or taking up space in the world? Have you ever noticed that?” Nicole asked “You go on websites and some girl leaves a post and if it’s longer than three sentences or she’s expressing her thoughts about some topic she usually ends with ‘Sorry for the rant’ or ‘That may be dumb but that’s what I think’”This book educated me a lot without ever feeling preachy which I really admireAnd while respectively handling serious subjects Beauty ueens also has a wicked sense of humor that was right up my alley “I’ll do it” Miss Arkansas volunteered“No This is about Miss New Hampshire We are the Miss Teen Dream team We are only as strong as our weakest link There is no I in “team”“There’s no U in asshole either and yet ” Adina muttered”Adina wasn't my absolute favorite because her humor could be a little overstepping And like Petra said just because you’re funny doesn’t mean you get to be cruel But sometimes Adina uttered some of the funniest things that had me laughing out loud Weeks go by when suddenly the girls rescue ? the cast of Captains Bodacious IV that arrive during a storm which I thought would make the story lose its steam a little But never doubt Libba Bray because she managed to keep me entertained till the end “Say could one of you lovelies get me something to uench my thirst?”Four girls turned to go and Adina said “You seem able bodied to me”Captain Sinjin put a hand to his chest “We’ve been through a shipwreck luv We’re exhausted and need to lie about”“Oh I know how you feel” Tiara said “When our plane crashed here and we had to bury the dead and deal with really bad wounds and Miss New Mexico got that tray stuck in her head —”“Hi” Miss New Mexico waved“— and the chaperones were all charred in the wreckage and it was really gross and scary and there was nothing to eat and no shelter and we had to build all that stuff and deal with giant snakes and bug bites and we barely survived a giant wave and mudslides and hallucinogenic plants and stuff we were so so tired”But I did low key despise the cast of pirates at first We were having so much fun getting to know each girl and hearing their stories and then these reality TV boys arrive I kept thinking girls please stay strong and don't fall for those idiots I'm begging youBut I found it laughable when Adina was all “Good God All you had to do was introduce the scent of testosterone and perfectly capable together girls were reduced to giggling lash batting hair playing idiots She hated it when girls did this When they got all goo goo eyed over Y chromosome–carrying creatures instead of taking care of themselves It’s what her mother had done her whole life cater to some man instead of looking after herself Or Adina”Until a boy bumps into her in which case she turned all “Let me help you with that”“I don’t need your help” Adina called but Duff was already wading into the water This was the problem with men They just assumed They just took action It was infuriating And reductive And slightly thrillingThe wet clung to Duff’s pants as he strode into the surf and she could see the curve of his ass Man he was fine”Get your head in the game—I swear I thought they were troubleBut okay I did grow to like Sinjin mostly because of Petra And yeah I also liked his silly humor and the way he didn’t take himself too seriously “Petra looked up to the moon as if appealing to its grace She liked this one and wanted but she was afraid there was no hope of that“Sorry I just So you used to be a guy J T Woodland Of Boyz Will B Boyz”“Yes” “Right”“It’s okay I can tell you’re freaked out”Petra started to get up Sinjin took her wrist gently “Well yeah But mostly because you used to be in Boyz Will B Boyz That’s unbelievable I mean you played Top of the Pops”Petra allowed a small smile He had surprised her That didn’t happen often She sat down again “Should I tell you the story?”“Yeah”“How much should I tell you?”“Everything”I really really liked them “Carefully he tucked a strand of hair behind Petra’s ear and let his hand rest for a moment against the soft wide plain of her cheekbone “I think you’re beautiful And brave And really fucking cool And you can make Charles Dickens puns”Petra leaned the weight of her face into Sinjin’s palm “You know who and what I am So if this is just the old curiosity shop you can stop right now”Sinjin looked her in the eyes There was not a trace of smirk in his expression “‘I hope that real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world’”“David Copperfield” Petra whispered positioning her lips close to his“Why are you bringing magicians into it?” Sinjin said and kissed her tenderly It was a kiss small in its ministrations but epic in its feeling” Libba Bray sure knows how to shut me up I mean how could I forget that she's a master at writing swoon worthy romances????Like damn That scene with Adina and Duff in the cabin made me sweat But thenwhen his true assholish behaviour was revealed I was appalled “She tapped Duff on the arm He tipped his head back to look up at her “Hello Mary Lou”“Could you stand up please?”Duff gave the boys an I wonder what this is about look “Sure thing” He stood and faced Mary Lou “What’s up?”“This” Mary Lou’s fist connected with Duff’s face in an audible crunch He tottered like a drunk And if there had been a clock on the island it would have ticked off exactly three seconds before he lost consciousness and went down hard in the sand“Ow” Mary Lou shook out her hand Then she took her place at the fire and drank the rest of Duff’s coconut milk drinking till she was sated”And thank you Mary Lou for handling the situation like a pro I won't forget Duff's awfulness anytime soon The hurt was a pain in the center of my chest And his 'apology' was so half hearted it only made things worse for meBut the girls didn't let those bumps along the road falter the course of their actions “We could take the world by storm you know? It’ll be like we proved ourselves like all those heroes’ journey stories about boys only we’re girls”At its core this book was a very character driven one which was my favorite thing We had an incredible wide cast of characters that I connected with one way or anotherI found myself in Petra’s determination in Shanti's soundness in Nicole's sensibleness in Taylor’s unwavering commitment and I could go on and on —but bottom line these girls made me feel at homeI think it’s safe to say that Libba Bray has got my heart with all these remarkably fleshed out characters I'm still moony eyed after everythingTo put it simply Beauty ueens at heart is a sad sort of beautiful Like all the best books “There was something about the island that made the girls forget who they had been All those rules and shalt nots They were no longer waiting for some arbitrary grade They were no longer performing Waiting HopingThey were becomingThey were”Also I have to mention this next tiny detail because it warmed my heart COMMERCIAL BREAKA high school hallway A girl MARCIA slams her locker door in frustration She looks haggard NATALIE and RACHEL stand off to one side watching and shaking their headsWhat are the chances that both my name and my sister’s name Rachel would be on the same page?My reaction to it totally reminded me of this vine 45 stars Note I'm an Affiliate If you're interested in buying Beauty ueens just click on the image below to go through my link I'll make a small commission This review and can be found on my blog

  8. Madeline Madeline says:

    Before we begin let me just say this I feel really bad about the review I'm going to write here Normally I don't mind writing negative reviews in fact much for the same reason I always get a little thrill when someone trolls my reviews I sort of enjoy doling out negative criticism for the psychology behind this please refer to Anton Ego's monologue on criticism at the end of Ratatouille Especially when it's an author I dislike I can and will trash Twilight until its memory is wiped from the earth but things get complicated when it comes time to give a negative review of an author I like Because lest you get any other ideas I love Libba Bray I loved A Great and Terrible Beauty I loved Going Bovine and I think she personally is brilliant and funny and I would love to hang out with her and talk about books and history and James Bond all damn dayBut I try to base my reviewing style off the advice of Lester Bangs which is that you have to make your reputation on being honestand unmerciful So Honest and unmerciful Here we go So the basic plot a plane carrying the fifty contestants of the Miss Teen Dream pageant crashes on an island killing all but thirteen of the competitors The girls have to figure out how to survive on their own and learn who they really are while also uestioning their own reasons for being in the pageant in the first place Meanwhile the mysterious Corporation who controls the pageant along with everything else on TV advertising and possibly the whole country is working on its own dastardly plot connected with the pageants Also there are sexy pirates oh don't worry I'll get to themI don't understand why there are so few negative reviews of this book Before I read it all I knew about it was from the many glowing reviews praising the book's humor its brilliant message its terrific characters etc Maybe these people are seeing something I'm not Maybe I'm a moron But for whatever reason here are the big problems I found with this book boiled down to some key points Regularly Spits In the Face of Logic Not real world logic which is fine to disregard but the logic that the world of the story has already established There's a part where two of the characters are talking about money they spend on pageants and one girl is shocked when the other tells her how much the average pageant gown costs Hang on you're in a pageant as the story takes place and you don't know how much pageant gowns cost? Buh? Similarly there are just too many coincidences to put up with First a plane full of beauty ueens crashes on a deserted island conveniently killing off any adults or authority figures But surprise the island is also inhabited by a Corporation stronghold And meanwhile a sexy eco warrior is camped out on the island I am not making any of that up And then a boat carrying the sexy young cast of a pirate TV show crashes on the island with at least one hot boy who is perfect for each of our main characters Up until the very last page I was waiting for Bray to reveal that the entire thing the crash the pirates the comically evil corporate villains had all been staged from the beginning as the pilot for some awesome new reality TV show But no There was no staging It all actually happened and I don't understand how or why It's Super Easy to Be in a Pageant Apparently Adina our sort of protagonist is an aspiring journalist who's only in the pageant so she can write a tell all article about it Fine but this is a national pageant How in the hell did she fake her way to getting the Miss New Hampshire crown beating out hundreds of other girls who have been doing this for real since they were children? For god's sake at least Gracie Hart had the FBI rigging the competition so she could get to the Top Ten And Adina's not even the only one another character does the pageant to make a social statement and another one does it because she's won everything else already Jesus from the way this book makes pageants sound anybody can win a trophy with no experience or genuine effort It's All So Very Very Satirical This book is a satire I get that But the satire is all so broad so winkingly obvious that after the second commercial break I was tired of it Bray goes for the obvious jokes and stereotypes a religious gun loving Texan character? How innovative without delving deeper into who these girls are and why they do pageants short answer according to this book either to make a social statement or childhood trauma All the satire is so heavy handed that it practically bruises and the story gets too bogged down in its own jokes The book seems to be begging us to applaud its cleverness as it hits us with a barrage of made up pop culture references and fake TV show titles and jokes that have no business being there at all except to get another laugh out of us the funniest line in the book in fact makes no sense in the context it's delivered and is completely unnecessary The Protagonist is the Wrong Girl The character of Taylor starts out as the villain a serious religious pageant veteran who has total faith in the Miss Teen Dream philosophy and message She seems like the bad guy but when she finds out that the rescue has been called off and the girls have been abandoned she snaps We learn about her traumatic childhood her need to be perfect and accepted and loved and then Taylor goes full Rambo and starts living by herself in the jungle taking out the bad guys one by one like a crazy ninja armed with hairspray This story is awesome but it has to take a backseat to all the other girls and the stupid stupid pirate romance bullshit that really should have been left out completely Feminish? I have a bad habit of analyzing things from a feminist viewpoint I went to a women's college it's part of my programming when they don't deserve to be analyzed that way But Beauty ueens is set up as a modern feminist manifesto railing against the pageant system and our standards of beauty and who girls are expected to be in today's worldand it only works a little bit Like the satirical elements all the feminist messages are slammed in our faces with no subtly Adina our Token Empowered Girl speaks in cliched feminist slogans like I don't need a man to define me and the characters all have very obvious conversations about how much society sucks if you're a girl Heavy handed doesn't begin to describe itAnd at the same time there's an odd insistence on the importance of the girls' love lives First there's the girl who sexes up the eco warrior which I guess is fine because the chapter was really about her reclaiming her sexuality and not being afraid of her own desires but then the hot pirates show up and it all goes to hell as various girls lose their damn minds over the sexy sexy boys even our Feminist Icon Adina is powerless when faced with sensitive bad boys who share some of her interests I could put up with all of that if there was a legitimate reason for the pirates to be in the book But I've thought about it and I honestly cannot come up with a single compelling reason that they should have been included at all They have almost no effect on the overall plot and anything they do manage to accomplish could have easily been done by other characters They served no purpose and I wish they'd been cut out of the story entirely What's the Message Again? It feels like Bray is trying to write two different books here On the one hand we have a campy outrageous pageant caper with maniacal villains outrageous escapes and general balls out hilarity; and then we have a serious social statement about girls today and who society wants them to be There are some very good ideas in this book it's inspired in part by Lord of the Flies and discusses when it's not throwing out pop culture jokes and romance subplots the idea that girls need an island of their own where they don't have to worry about being who everyone else wants them to be and discover who they really are But it doesn't mesh with the silly campy mood that defines the rest of the book How can we take these girls' opinions about societal pressures seriously when the villains have a secret lair in a volcano with a self destruct system that can be overridden by making a Powerpoint presentation again not making this up To use a tired expression Bray is trying to have her cake and eat it too and the result is a jumbled mess of a book that can’t decide where it’s going or what it wants to be sort of like the girls in the story – hey maybe the whole format is an allegory Well you think of a better explanation

  9. Petra-X Petra-X says:

    In Lord of the Flies by William Golding the boys wrecked and alone on an island act as Golding says boys being true to their nature will And it ain't pretty gangs anarchism bullying murder It's a brilliant bookSo is Libba Bray's What she has to say about women in Beauty ueens also wrecked and alone on an island is that even the most dedicated fashionista of a girl with her acrylic nails and furry false eyelashes is solid when she has to be In real life these girls go home in the evening kick off their stiletto heels put on some jeans and see to the kids Dinner homework ironing school uniform making lunch boxes and putting them to bed is the minimum amount of work If they have a partner it gets even complicatedOnly then only after they have looked after the family do they touch up their acrylics and add another coat to their toenails and ring the girlfriends for gossip scandal and plans Next day when the kids have been breakfasted and sent on their way and the laundry loaded into the machine our heroine will again be ghetto fabulous with glossy pouted lips and looking like she wasn't really made of steel at allThat's women and Libba Bray got it in this geniusly funny book where every taboo social norm and anything that gets in the way of women being true to themselves is knocked about and eventually trampled underfoot by all All the girls will come to see their true worth although some of them do hang on to their self image as dumb blonde but pretty until forced out of it by necessity All the girls are different and some when they define themselves as capable women without any need to impress with looks will finds paths far different from that of the beauty pageant they were on their way to enterThis isn't to say that all women are good cookies no there are the truly evil sociopathic baddies too Close to the ending the plot goes haywire in a good way and a very manipulative woman based on a real life character is revealed A bit of googling and you can easily find out who she is To say would be a spoilerThis should be read alongside Lord of the Flies in school but it won't be It's too much fun too many actually not enough lipsticks and definitely not literary enough It is a 5 star read and a good boost to confidence for teenage girls who think that looks are enough They aren't unless they aspire to be in the Playboy Mansion or be famous like the Kardashian trash which is than sad They should read this book and see that they can do anything at all they want and still like putting on the paint and pouting for a selfie Read Dec 312014 reviewed Aug 22 2015

  10. Nancy Nancy says:

    Cross posted at Outlaw Reviews and at Shelf Inflicted I was on the fence about this book A story about teen beauty pageant contestants stranded on a desert island just doesn’t do anything for me After reading Stephanie's review I decided to try the audio version At first I thought it was ridiculous irritating and just plain stupid It wasn’t long before I was laughing and snorting in public places In the beginning it was a little difficult to get to know the characters The story is told from different perspectives and it was hard for me to get all the girls straight Some of them had uniue ualities and “secrets” that made them stand out while others were a little flat and unmemorable I loved the Miss Teen Dream Fun Facts Page the wacky footnotes that explained products and status symbols famous personalities and TV shows like “Bridal Death Match the popular TV show about brides who cage fight each other in order to win the wedding of their dreams”This story is a satire about the superficiality of consumer culture politics and mega corporations that control everything we watch read and buy It deals with racism disability and sexuality There is adventure mystery and a dollop of romance There are important messages here about survival friendship beauty acceptance independence and what it means to be a woman Hilarious empowering honest and highly recommended

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